This is it. The only first day of this year we will ever get. Although it feels like a one-shot kind of deal, we forget that every day is just like today. Every morning we get twenty-four hours of new chances.
I forget that any day is a day for change, for big decisions, for new life. Any day that the sun rises and sets is a reminder that you are worth reconsideration and renewal.
And that is what I’m seeking. A newness that I’ve denied myself for far too long. This new year is a perfect excuse to take a look at all the parts of me that have been moved and pushed by life, turned into something other than what they were really meant to be. I need to find my way back to what and who I was intended to be all along.
In order to meet myself where I should be, I’ve made three big decisions.
The first is that I am taking a hiatus from Facebook. I have decided that it is unequivocally the BIGGEST time-suck in the whole wide world. I scroll, press like on something funny, scroll, sigh at the awful grammar, scroll, frown at the weird picture, scroll, scroll, scroll, refresh. Nowhere, in any bit of that, do I find or create joy. And if something I do does not make any joy for myself or someone else, then why the heck am I spending hours of my life doing it? So I’m taking a break. I’m uninstalling it from my phone and not logging on for some amount of time that I haven’t quite determined yet. It’s just time. I will keep the messenger app, because there are people I keep in touch with through that service, but that’s it for now.
The second decision is by far the most radical of the three. After much thought, I’ve decided to take a six month sabbatical from dating. This may sound crazy, and maybe it is, but I’ve met it with a lot of prayer, and I’m actually kind of looking forward to it. I look at it like this. If you’ve been physically injured, say you’ve sprained your ankle, are you going to hop up the next day after icing it a bit and go for a run? Not likely. You need time to heal, to build up your muscles, to use that ankle without pain again. I think hearts are kind of the same way. They need time, and I just haven’t given myself any lately. In the past year, my forays into the romantic field have left my heart and emotions badly bruised and a little worse for wear. About a week ago I came to the point where I realized that I need to put my heart on the bench for a while, to put my focus on God’s plans for my heart, and to give myself a break. So I’m giving myself six months of singleness where I don’t have to focus on being enough for another person, and just learn to be enough for myself.
My third decision is to use this blog again as a creative outlet. There will be honesty, humor, bits of poetry, and lots of seeking myself. I’ll be posting frequently as I try to meet some goals and find my truest self. If you want to come along for the ride as I try to figure some of this life stuff out, don’t be shy. Read me, comment, talk to me. I’m looking forward to it. 🙂
With much light and love,